Last week we discussed four books that from my experience made for impactful reading and are also relevant for developing the three fields of a man’s life; Marriage, Ministry, and Money. Today, I would like to share with you five (5) books that should be helpful in developing holistically; body, soul, and spirit. By so doing you should be able to live a balanced and fulfilled life in your Marriage Ministry and Money.
While this book is not an “independent” book like the rest below, I found that the book of Proverbs in the Bible provides unparalleled advice for many aspects of life from business to marriage, and is a superior guide for any Christian man who is able to unlock its deep meanings and relevance to everyday life. My advice would be to read through the book of Proverbs intently at least three (3) times in your lifetime.
This book was one of my favorite reads growing up. It was given to me by my dad and I enjoyed every bit of it. It is a book about thinking, stimulating the mind to engage in conscious and well-guided thoughts to help solve problems and drive the relevant changes one needs in life and society. I seriously enjoyed reading it at the time.
Books that teach a man how to live a balanced and fulfilled life are rare but The Total Man is an excellent example of one such book. Dan Benson did an excellent work with this book and while there were no direct Christian references in this book, I believe it is one book that every Christian man should read.
This is a book that is partly inspired by this blog. Like The Total Man, it sets out to help a man live a balanced and fulfilled life while on earth. However, unlike The Total Man, this book has direct references to the Bible on some pages to help you with further learning from the word of God on the topics discussed. A free copy of the book can be found here.
This book, also called The Art of Worldly Wisdom, is one of the most immensely informative books I have ever read. I believe that it offers timeless advice for a Christian man who would like to know how the unsaved mind works and how to respond to situations that he meets on Earth. However, as a recommendation, my advice is that you read the Book of Proverbs through three (3) times to give you proper context for the wisdom shared in this book.
Welcome to our first publication of 2024. Like the closing article for last year, this article will focus on the subject of books. As a growing Christian man, I have been influenced by books I have no doubt shaped the skills and personality I have developed over time. Out of these books, I have selected nine (9) whose lessons stuck with me the most and I would like to share them with you. My hope is that you will experience the same or more impact than what I enjoyed by reading them. The books I am sharing with you are not all explicitly Christian books, so, they would require that you read them with a Christian perspective and with discernment as I believe that the best Human works may still have human flaws. In today’s article, present the first four (4) books related to the three fields of a man’s life, Marriage, Ministry, and Money, with short comments about each book. In the next article, I plan to focus on five books that I believe are relevant to the holistic development of a man’s Body, Soul, and Spirit.
Marriage Model Marriage by Dag Heward-Mills This book’s discussion of personality types and marriage has stuck with me through my young marriage. I was amazed by its accuracy in linking personality types to individuals’ to their approaches to the marriage relationship. I believe that this book would be particularly helpful for a man who wants to have an initial understanding of his wife’s predispositions and how he may respond to those in marriage. Of course, people change as the marriage progresses but understanding their initial predispositions may be helpful in reducing misunderstandings and increasing empathy especially early on in marriage.
Image Generated with AI
Ministry God’s Generals by Roberts Liardon Roberts Liardon’s God’s General’s collection of books is very helpful to read very early in life, or at least very early in the Christian life. The one in the series that might be of the most relevance is God’s Generals: Why They Succeeded and Why Some Fail. While it is focused on people who were influential in ministry, it is quite helpful in understanding that influential men and women in the service of God are not without flaws but most importantly what are some of the mistakes that Christians, even influential ones can make in ministry.
Money The Richest Man In Babylon by George Clason This book, argued to be based on translations of ancient texts from Babylon, explains the first principles of making, managing and multiplying money. It provides insights on how to build financial security or even wealth from various circumstances using anecdotes and stories. The book is based in ancient Babylon, hence, it is one of those books you would need to read with a Christian perspective and discernment. For example, replacing references to gods with God Almighty. Some versions of this book are written in ancient English, I enjoyed those versions but if you are less comfortable with ancient English, you may want to grab modern translations.
The Cashflow Quadrant by Robert Kiyosaki The cashflow quadrant was influential in my choice of career, even though that may not have been the directly intended purpose of the Book. In my opinion, it discussed the four ways of making, managing, and multiplying money, and by reading it I found it helpful in choosing the kind of career I found relevant to the kind of life that I wanted to live and the way I wanted to handle the Money aspect of my life. It may be helpful to read the first book in the series Rich Dad Poor Dad before reading the Cashflow Quadrant, however, I found Robert Kiyosaki’s books (the two that I read) to have high words-to-lesson ratio, so please feel free to skip to portions you believe may be most relevant for the lessons you want to read.
Who is a gentleman? Who is a Perfect Gentleman? Who is an Extraordinary Gentleman? How should a Christian gentleman live his life in this present world? These, among others, are questions that we have sought answers to through this blog. Finally, we are happy to announce to you that a full copy of the book dedicated to answering these questions is available here for free! This is an advanced copy of the second edition of the book so be sure to grab your copy!
The book employs the concept of the value system to present biblical knowledge and insights into the topic of manhood. Among other things, it discusses;
The differences between the growth stages of an ordinary man and an Extraordinary Gentleman
The categories of men and their characteristics
The three functional fields of a man’s life
This book is perfect for;
Men who want to live a more balanced and fulfilling life
Women who want to understand men and identify the best
Parents who want to raise extraordinary sons
Feel free to download your free advanced copy of the 2nd edition and be sure to send your comments and suggestions. Thank you!
Our discussions of the seven types of men have highlighted the role of what a man values in shaping what type of man he is or can become. However, what a man values is determined by his value system. Hence, understanding what the value system is important to our quest of becoming extraordinary gentlemen. Indeed, as the spine holds together the structure of a man’s body, so does the value system hold together the personality of a man. Thus, it is essential that anyone who desires to build or improve on his personality must understand the workings of the value system.
The value system is the part of a man’s mindset that attaches a determined measure of importance to any incoming piece of information. In contrast, a man’s mindset is made up of the structured network of information that a man has as a result of his learning and experiences and that he uses to interpret any new information he receives through his senses. As such, by determining how important a piece of information is to a man. Therefore, the value system of a man decides what catches his attention and what turns his head in disgust, what spurs him on and what brings him to a halt, what wins his smile, and what draws his tears. It determines his friends and his enemies, what he puts his money into and where he puts his faith – it is both his strength and his weakness.
The judgments passed by people about a man are also primarily determined by the value systems of those passing the judgments. That is, what the people passing the judgment value compared to what the man values. What people think, feel and say about you, therefore, depends on their value systems. If you value what they value then you are of value to them. By extension, God’s judgment of a man will also be determined by the man’s value system in relation to God’s. If you value what God values, you become valuable to God. In essence, what a man values or attaches importance to throws on his image before men and God (Jer 2:5; Ps 115:7-8; Ps 106:19-10). Hence, the rule of the value system is therefore this:
What you value determines your value
NB: For a more comprehensive discussion of the value system
The Perfect Gentleman, as we discussed, is a man of the moment whose impressive personality comes from a mastery of his soul and body. In contrast, the Extraordinary Gentleman is a man of transcending excellence whose mastery is first of his spirit. The soul and the body are susceptible to the changing fortunes; as such, many men once known for their excellence lose their status to the many ills of society or nature. For example, sickness, stress, failure, financial collapse, or a broken heart, at devastating levels, have destroyed perfect gentlemen and therefore exposed the corruptible nature of that personality. Hence, even though the Perfect Gentleman is admirable, the advantage of the Extraordinary Gentleman is sustainability.
As Proverbs 18:14 (KJV) indicates, “the spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity (any physical, situational or emotional anomaly); but a wounded spirit who can bear?”.
A Perfect Gentleman has developed his soul through experience and learning, and yet the experience and learning are acquired through the senses of his body, and as such, he is ruled by his senses; he is carnal. When all that the five senses of the Perfect Gentleman communicate to him is disastrous, he breaks down and loses control. For example, when a Perfect Gentleman encounter’s the same set of trials that the biblical Job went through, he is likely to break down and lose all control. He can only be sustained when he switches to “the spirit mode”.
The Extraordinary Gentleman(XG) operates by the spirit mode. Therefore, even if all that the five senses of the XG communicates is disastrous, the XG, like Job, is sustained by his spirit. The Extraordinary Gentleman, therefore, values spiritual wisdom, specifically divine wisdom. “For they that are after the flesh, do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit” (Ro 8:5). Spiritual wisdom, in its simplest definition, is the exact knowledge of reality and needed action within the will of God. The application of this exact kind of knowledge in line with the will of God makes the XG a man of the moment and of the future. He is outstanding among his compatriots and, at the same time, ahead of his generation in his thought and action. This is because he has the knowledge essential for effective living now and for the future. Examples of this wisdom include those demonstrated by Joseph, Daniel, and the sons of Issachar.
Additionally, as the sure way of knowing a tree is by its fruits, the surest way of knowing a spiritual man and thus an XG is by the fruits he bears. The fruits of a spiritual man, which refer to the evidence of spirituality in the form of behavior, are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal 5:20 RSV). The fruit of the Spirit guides the details of the thinking and actions of the XG. Therefore, adding grace to his thinking and actions and giving them inexplicable beauty. Unlike the Perfect Gentleman, whose admirable characteristics come from painstakingly training his soul and body, the admirable dispositions of the XG flow out of his spirit. Though the XG values his spirit above his body, he is not a man that neglects his body. He only values the health of his spirit above the health of the body while still realizing that his spirit needs the body to remain on earth to accomplish his purpose. To paraphrase Rev. Dr. Nyuieko Avotri; every man has a message (purpose) and a horse (body); the horse is needed to carry the message to its destination. Hence, the wellbeing of the body is also important to the success of a spiritual man. The mindset of the XG is, therefore, “physical exercise has SOME value, but godliness is valuable in EVERY way. It holds promise for the present life and for the life to come” 1Ti 4:8 (NET). The ordinate or proper but not excess care for both his spirit and body spills over to his soul. It is said that a healthy mind lives in a healthy body, however, an extraordinary mind lives in a healthy body and spirit. The XG maintains excellent emotional health. He does that firstly by exercising the fruits of his spirit, which helps to reduce his tendency of entering emotional turmoil. He also draws encouragement from the Word of God and from brothers and sisters in the faith. He, therefore is, scarcely troubled, moody, or frustrated.
The Extraordinary Gentleman is a man as his Creator made him to be; a man who understands that he is spirit, lives in a body and has a soul. A man who comprehends all the three dimensions of his make-up in a way that allows him to coordinate them seamlessly. The Extraordinary Gentleman is therefore identified by his seemingly effortless excellence in the fields of Marriage, Ministry, and Money. In Marriage, he is both a great dad and a wonderful husband, in Ministry, he is an excellent servant and a confident leader, and in the field of Money, he is outstanding at generating, gathering, managing, growing, and distributing wealth. The excellence of the XG in these earthly affairs is evidence of his spiritual maturity. He is a spiritual gentleman, yet he does not live a spiritual life that makes him of no earthly use. He is not worldly either, that is, he is not given to the lusts of the flesh, the lust of the eye, or the pride of life. He has all the qualities of the Perfect Gentleman, but his exceeding excellence is his sustainability as a result of his spirituality. All his abilities flow out of and are sustained by his spirit. Therefore, the Extraordinary Gentleman is a Perfect Gentleman at the peak of his perfection.
In summary, The Extraordinary Gentleman lives a balanced life by his spirit.
Today, I would like us to continue our discussions of the seven types of men. However, we would be focusing on three types of men who have different desirable qualities but also weaknesses. Firstly,
The Nerd This is a man of intellect and expertise. He values information, skill, and conquest in his chosen field of endeavor. His success in his chosen field is what drives him. His personality is built around his field of endeavor; he is nothing without it. The Nerd wants to be constantly on top of his game. Hence, if anything looks like a distraction, he is likely to mindlessly get around it (usually by ignoring it) or “cutting it off” . If the Nerd cares about any part of his body, it is usually his head or the part that is needed in his endeavors or profession. A Nerd is usually boring to interact with, especially if you know nothing about his field or if you do not like hearing people burbling about their abilities and achievements. The Nerd usually has either an overly ordered lifestyle or a well messed up one. Unlike the Dandy, who is usually a man of the people, the Nerd is typically a friend only to himself.
The Rigid The Rigid is a man of rules. He is made up of varying combinations of the Dandy and the Nerd. He is not obsessed with his appearance nor with expertise; he exists at various levels between the extremes. He is a man of manners; some self-created, others adopted from society. His main characteristic is the strict rules he obeys to maintain his chosen personality. He values perfection, however, perfection is what he says it is. Most Rigids take themselves too seriously, and the only time something is done well is when they do it themselves. A Rigid usually has admirable qualities and achievements, yet their never bending “rules of engagement” makes it challenging to be close with them. The disadvantage of this personality is that when time or circumstance erases the effectiveness of their rules, they either appear old-fashioned or become confused. Additionally, the fact that they are highly conscious in speech and action makes their lifestyle look like a well-rehearsed stage act, sometimes, a boring one.
The Perfect Gentleman This is the man in his purest form. He is a perfect combination of the Dandy and the Nerd. A man of lively refinement; a master of words, and an expert of deeds. He is neither a man of the people (given to excessive attention) nor a friend only to himself. He is not even a man of rules; he is a man of the moment. His expertise is knowledge of the time and appropriateness of response. His adornments are his flexibility in thought and grace (elegance) in execution. The Perfect Gentleman values his ability to stay in control of himself (body and mind), the situations around him, and the appropriateness of his responses. He values conventional manners but puts them aside when time and circumstance demands it. Excessive manners are boring yet a man without manners is savage. The Perfect Gentleman cares about his body but for him, health comes before looks. To stay clear in his thinking, he masters distractions of thought, especially emotions. When emotions walk in, reason walks out, yet a man without emotions is a beast. The Perfect Gentleman acts by reason and not emotions. To him, emotions are wild packs of energy that have to be tamed and channeled into appropriate words or deeds. The summary of the personality of the Perfect Gentleman is represented in this adapted dedication that was made in the book entitled The Perfect Gentleman;
The Man Who Is Polite Without Affection Confident Without Vanity’ Dignified Without Ostentation Affable To All, Servile To None; Who Never Deceived His Friend, Nor Turned His Back To His Foe
That is a Perfect Gentleman. A man who combines the qualities of the Dandy and the Nerd just like the Rigid except for the fact that the Perfect Gentleman does this with flexibility and correct timing. A close look at the Perfect Gentleman shows that he is a man that has gained mastery of both his body and his soul. Yet the most excellent of men is the Extraordinary Gentleman.
As the year comes to an end, it is natural for you to be drawn into a period of self-reflection. You may ask yourself questions like what kind of father, husband, coworker, or even minister was I in the past year? Essentially, what kind of man was I in the past year? To aid this process of self-reflection, I hope you will find our discussion of the seven types of men useful. These categories of men were first discussed in the book “The Extraordinary Gentleman: A handbook for Christian Men”. According to the book, a man can be classified as either a Generic, a Deviant, a Dandy, a Nerd, a Rigid, a Perfect Gentleman, or an Extraordinary Gentleman based on his value system. In the next few posts, I hope to introduce you to these types of men and hopefully convince you to become an Extraordinary Gentleman (XG). For today I would like us to discuss the first three;
The Generic This is the man that society makes. He values the status that society has given him, and as such, he lives a life evident of what society ascribes to him. He is not a friend to refinement; thus, he undertakes no effort to carve his own identity. He changes at the dictates of the times and circumstances. He usually has nothing that drives him except the common lusts of the eye, lusts of the flesh, and the pride of life. He is kicked around by the winds of life and the doctrine of men. Many Generics have their lives shaped by inventions, either ideological or technological. Generics are exposed by how they dress, speak, act and think; they usually do what “everybody” is doing.
The Deviant The Deviant is a man who values notoriety and his ability to break norms and be the source of chaos in various circumstances. Contrary to the Generic, he does not conform to societal standards. This is a man who does not value the accepted morals of society. (The wisdom of society is influenced by either divine wisdom or the devilish, and so are the morals of society. It is important for me to point out that many of society’s evolving accepted morals reflect how the devilish is gaining ground in society. Therefore, it is increasingly becoming important for a man who desires to be instructed purely to seek his instruction from the Bible as well as books and men known evidently for their inspiration by divinity).
Some deviants are created by the difficult circumstances they are exposed to at various stages of their development. Some are a result of psychological or emotional deficiencies, while others are inspired by evil. Still, others lack understanding, a virtue of the spirit (Job 32:8). The Deviant has a distorted perception of the world around him as a result of an erroneous mindset and consequently a misaligned value system. They value enterprises that make their world look twisted to men of right mind. Some of these people may be helped by human institutions that are able to reconcile them to society by dealing with the root causes whether circumstance or disease. However, the fastest recoveries I know about have been by the finger of God. Many sound-minded men sometimes slip into this stage by circumstance or disease.
The Dandy The Dandy is a man of appearances. He values his appearance and attention from his target audience. He feels inferior unless his total appearance is what he dreams of it to be. His identity, therefore, depends mainly on what he wears, how he looks, and what he does to court attention. To support his appearance, he is overly concerned with his body. When he visits the gym, health to him is second to bodily appearance.
A Dandy loves attention, especially from women, and will go to many extremes to ensure that he remains the center of attention. Though he might be famous with men of a common estate, among the finest of men, he is just a decorated Generic. Bodily structure and attractive appearance are essential in creating an excellent personality. However, an uncontrolled obsession with physical appearance is usually a cover-up for an emptiness inside. Many Dandies are cocky in behavior; their heads and hearts are filled with hallucinations of being admired.
In our previous posts in our series, The Spirit Mode, we have sought to understand what it means to live a spiritual life and to nurture the spiritual life. But how efficient will this knowledge be if we do not know what the human spirit is in the first place? To help us understand what the human spirit is, we will attempt to differentiate between the human spirit and the human soul while not neglecting the human body. Starting our discussion from the human body may help us start from a concept many of us are familiar with before we move to a concept some of us a yet to understand.
A man consists of his spirit, his soul and his body. The body refers to his physical or material make-up; his arms, legs, internal organs, nervous system etc. The human body is ruled by the “flesh” system, which is also called sinful nature in the bible, Gal 5:17(NIV). The flesh is consists of urges, desires, or passions that drive a man to act contrary to the will of God. Therefore, these urges and desires push a man towards engaging in actions such as sexual immorality, impurity, depravity, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, orgies, and other similar things (Gal 5:19-21). In general, the urges, desires, and passions that make up the flesh can be classified into three main groups; the lust of the body, the lust of the eye, and the pride of life (1John 2:16). However, the word “flesh”, as used in the Bible, sometimes refers to the physical body, for example, John 1: 14.
The spirit is the non-material man; the man in the nonphysical form. In its purest form, the spirit of man is in the image of God. This is because God is spirit (John 4: 24) and the father of all spirit (Heb 12:9). The spirit of a man is only in its purest form if it is connected to God, his source. However, when Adam and Eve sinned against God, the spirit of all men became disconnected from God by default. The only way given to men on earth to reconnect to God is through God’s son Jesus Christ (John 14:6). “So it is written: “The first man Adam became a living being”; the last Adam, a life-giving spirit (1 Cho 15:45, NIV). When a man accepts Jesus as his Lord and Savior, Jesus restores life to the spirit of the saved man by reconnecting him to God. The spirit of a man is ruled by a spiritual system. This spiritual system can either be a divine system or a devilish system. You choose the divine when you accept Christ as your saviour; you renounce your sin and opt for the divine life by asking for the gift of the Holy Spirit. In essence, if you choose the divine system, you need the Holy Spirit to guide you, if you choose the devilish, you need a demon to ride you. All our talk of the spirit or the spiritual system from this point onwards will refer to the divine, unless otherwise stated.
On the other hand, the soul is the interface through which the spirit of a man interacts with his body. It is said to consist of the thoughts and emotions of a man. Unlike a man’s body and spirit that are each governed by a different system, the soul of a man at any moment in time is influenced by either the spiritual system or the flesh (i.e. the governing system of the body). Hence, the soul at any time is either spiritual or fleshly. There is, therefore, a continual battle between the spirit and the flesh (Gal 5:17) for dominion over the soul. Each of these systems wants to impose its value system on the soul. The system that is ruling the soul at any moment determines what is important to the soul. The dominant system, therefore, influences the thoughts and emotions of the man. However, the war between the spiritual system and fleshly system only occurs in the soul of a saved man. When a man is not saved, his spirit is disconnected from God and is dead (has become ineffective). It, therefore, loses its ability to exercise governance over the soul. The soul of an unsaved man thus becomes completely dominated by the flesh. The unsaved man is therefore uncontrollably and sometimes unconsciously subject to the dictates of the flesh.
In our previous post, we discussed how to live a spiritual life. We mentioned that living a spiritual life begins when you “Put off your old nature which belongs to your former manner of life (i.e. the fleshly life) …and be renewed in the spirit of your minds” (Eph 4:22-23, RSV). Living a spiritual life occurs when you live by the spiritual mindset that you gain by the renewal of your mind. How then do you acquire a renewal of mind?
The renewal of the mind is the work of the Holy Spirit, who each believer is entitled to when they ask it of the Lord Jesus Christ (Luke 11:13). When the Holy Spirit comes into the life of a believer, He downloads a part of the spiritual mindset into the believer’s spirit (1Cor 2:6-12). He then leads the believer to discover the rest of this mindset throughout the believers life journey (Joh 16:13). A significant part of this discovery occurs when the believer is reading/meditating on the word of God or praying. Reading/meditating the word of God and praying does not only help us to discover the mind of God but also leads to the development of a deep relationship with God. This deep relationship with God is what will make a man sustainably spiritual.
Prayer ensures that the man has an effective spiritual life because it transforms him more and more into the nature of God, who Himself is Spirit.
For,
The more time you spend in effective communion with divinity, the more you put on divinity.
On the other hand, the knowledge of the word of God, whether the written word as in the Bible or the revealed word ( prophecy, visions, word of knowledge, etc.) grants a believer insight into his position in the spiritual realm; his rights, privileges, and responsibilities. The wise application of his rights, privileges and responsibilities, in turn, makes the man efficient spiritually. However, the wise application of these rights, privileges, and responsibilities is only possible under the leadership of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the instructor for the spiritual life.
Prayer, therefore, empowers the spiritual life while knowledge of the word of God supplies the richness and quality of the spiritual life.
Living a spiritual life means living by the spiritual mindset, rather than the fleshly mindset; operating by the spiritual value system rather than the fleshly value system. The spiritual mindset is the kind of mindset talked about in Luke 1:17 and is referred to as the “wisdom of the just” (KJV). The Greek word translated as wisdom in Luke 1:17, phronesis, means moral or intellectual insight1. It is derived from the Greek word phroneo which means “to be mentally disposed (more or less earnestly) in a certain direction” (Strong’s Greek dictionary2). As such, living by the spiritual mindset means living by a mindset that makes you mentally predisposed to things of spiritual value.
The Bible describes choosing to live a spiritual life in an interesting way. According to the Bible, to live a spiritual life, you have to “Put off your old nature which belongs to your former manner of life (i.e. the fleshly life) and is corrupt through deceitful lusts and be renewed in the spirit of your minds” (Eph 4:22-2, RSV). Living a spiritual life, therefore, means to be renewed in your mindset (daily) and by extension, your value system. The renewed mindset is acquired when the Holy Spirit illuminates the spirit of a man. Once that is done, the mindset then has to be consciously nurtured through reading and meditating on the word of God and through prayer. In our next post, we hope to expand more on how to nurture the spiritual mindset.
1. I first encountered this particular knowledge in a message by Chris Oyakilome (PhD) entitled the three kinds of wisdom
2. Strong Greek dictionary embedded in the Power BibleCD 3.7
Conference of Extraordinary Gentlemen 