The Four Types of Friends; Confidants, Constituents, Comrades and Commanders.

People that come into our lives or people we choose to be part of our lives are chiefly of four kinds; Confidants, Constituents, Comrades and Commanders (the first three were proposed by Bishop TD Jakes).

 

Confidants are people who are around you because they are into you. They buy into you as a person and therefore are willing to be by your side whether you are up or down, in victory or defeated, right or wrong. They are however wise enough to tell you when you are wrong.

Constituents on the other hand, are those who are around you because they are for what you are for. They are people pursuing the same destination that you are pursuing, are going the same place you are going and are therefore travelling the same path you are travelling. They are only with you because you both have the same destination in mind.

Commanders on their part, are in your life because you have a resource that can take them to where they are going. They are not in your life because you are going where they are going but because you have a resource or skill that they consider important in helping them arrive at their destination.

Comrades, finally, are those who are around you because they are against what you are against. They are those who are around you because you share the same enemy. They are only with you to see the greater enemy fall. As T.D. Jakes describes it, they are like scaffolding that is put in place to put up a building. Once the building is done, the scaffolding is removed. Once the enemy is down the comrades leave.

holding on and letting go

Unlike Comrades, the Confidants as T.D Jakes puts it, are in for the long-haul. They are there to be with you, in essence, to the end of your life. They are not in your life to help with a particularly defined ‘mission’ but have come into your life because they have bought into you as a person. Constituents on the other hand are in your life because you are going where they are going and when they find somebody else or something else that promises to take them there faster than you, they will leave you for that person or something. Like Constituents, Commanders leave you when they find someone or something that promises to take them to their destination faster than you would. They may also leave you when they no longer need your resource or have found a resource of higher quality elsewhere. A key characteristic of Commanders is the loyalty they require and from you at the time they need your resource.

Wisdom, is to be able to categorize your friends or the people around into Confidants, Constituents, Comrades and Commanders, to love all of them as God has commanded us (Matt. 22:39) and to handle them as their categorizations demand.

Comrades are with you until the enemy is brought down, so be ready to let go of them in love when that time comes. Constituents will leave you when somebody or something better comes their way; no matter the time in your life that may be. Therefore, do not build your life plan around them. Commanders will demand your loyalty at the time they need you, your duty is check if they are entitled to it. If they are, be a faithful servant (1Peter 2:18). If they are not, give off your time and resource, only what you are willing to give them out of love. Confidants however, are in for you, so the only time they may leave you is when they cannot have sufficient supply of you or your friendship. Therefore, do not neglect your Confidants.

 

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