When men fall short

Today, I will like to share with you this message (link below) by TD Jakes and some key quotes from the message that I found interesting. Some of these quotes touch on the dilemma of being a man, especially in the 21st century and some possibly providing “answers” to some dilemmas. Enjoy

When Men Fall Short

“Has society set us up to fail?”

“How can I be a good man to a woman who enjoys being a good man?”

“When you pride yourself on doing what I used to do, have you not worked me out of a job?”

“You have moved into the positions we used to have and we don’t have a role to play and yet we are commanded to be on the set?”

Why do you need us?

cybercletch-do-you-need-our-services

“It’s hard to be a good man to a woman who never had a man in her life at all, because you have to live up to what she   imagined”

“There is not a good man in this room who is not trying to who you love, “there”…”

“…the dilemma of the man is;

if I manage to have progress, I do it by not being present, and if i am present with you, then I have to leave the horses and give up on progress…”

Why Men Die- How to Understand Men

True Wives Are the Heart of the Family

Unlike the popular believe that the wife is the “neck”  as to denote support to the man who is the head, I believe, that to the extraordinary gentleman (XG), his wife’s supporting role is better played as the heart of the family (Pr 31: 10-31).  In this discussion, I will like us to give a critical analysis to this subject, especially given the fact that notions of manipulation have leaked into the “neckhood” of the wife. Many women, instead of being a supporting neck to their husbands, are rather a manipulating neck. They do this by devising both direct and indirect ways of making sure that only what they desire is pursued by the family, instead of pursuing a comfortable compromise by parties.

As the heart is central to the living system of the human body, so is a true wife central to the life of a home (Pr 31, 10-31).  In most homes, the woman seems to be a unifying force between the husband and the children. Even when she lacks ideas about putting the family together, a good dinner table seems to do the trick. Women seem at most times to have unique access to both the heart of the children and the husband and as such are able to serve as great facilitators of the family life. Without them though daddies can be fun and loving, a mother’s touch still carries a difference.

Like the heart that pumps nutritious and warm blood to all the parts of the body, the wife supplies nutrition and warmth to all the members of the family including the head (Pr. 14, 21-22)  and she has her rest only in the comfort of her husband and children (Pr. 31: 15-19). As such, as an ill heart affects the countenance of the whole body, I believe the mood of the wife largely affects the mood of the house as a whole, yet the bad mood of a man can be shielded by the cheerful mood of the wife (Pr 14:1, Pr 21:1).

Additionally, the wife of an extraordinary gentleman must be one that the man can trust (Pr 31: 11-12) for a betrayal by her is as deadly as a heart attack! It is therefore unwise for a man to marry a woman whose integrity lacks confirmation in his spirit. The right woman for an XG must understand the times and what must be done. She must know when to be a girl, a lady, a woman, a wife and a mother; she must be excellent at switching these modes to preserve liveliness in the family and relationship.  This is the same way the heart varies its rate of beating to suit the current activity level of the body.

Above all things, the wife must be a woman of the right values and must be able to teach these to the children (Pr 31:1, Pr 1:8 RSV), for out of the heart flow all the issues of life (Pr 4:23). Though the man might instruct the child in the right way, it is the wife that at most times takes the time to teach the child the details of the instruction (as one of my lecturers once said, it is even the wife that teaches the male child to how to “pee”).

The true value of a heart lies in the intentions behind its actions and not in the actions themselves. In the same way, a true woman must be judged by the values on which she runs her life. For example, she must value internal beauty that comes from a true heart of humility beyond the external that comes from physical effort (1 Pe 3:1-4) and yet she must not neglect the external beauty for it might cast a shadow on the beauty within. A woman of true transcending character is a jewel of honour, however, when a woman is obsessed with her beauty and charm she is transient and is likely to make a shipwreck of the family life (Pr. 12:4).

I will like to know your view on this article and even your view on what makes a true wife. Please remember to leave your comments behind. Best of the day!

The man as the head (Part 2).

(All bible texts are from the KJV unless otherwise stated)

In our last discussion, we considered the family as a team made up of a husband and a wife with or without kids. We moved on to define what it meant to say that the man was the head of the family, spelling out roles which included the man as the spiritual head of the family and also the fact that the man was the source of identity for the family. We then concluded with the fact that the primary tool a man had in giving the desired identity to his wife was his words and the fact that it was not right for a man to utter corrupt words especially in reference to his wife. (For more information please read; The man as the head Part 1).Today, we will conclude our discussion by considering other roles of a man as the head of the family.

As we said earlier, it is a duty of a man to give identity to his family. In line with this, the first responsibility of a man to his children is to give them an identity. Society in most cases respects this by giving the man the opportunity to name the child. However, beyond this, the Christian father gives an identity to a child by training and disciplining and guiding the children (Pr 1:8, 4:1-2, 4:11, 3:12, 1Th 2:11, Eph 6:4). These activities are undertaken to give the child the right mindset that distinguishes him or her and gives him or her excellence (Pr. 1:9).

In training the child, the father must be able to guide the child into adopting attitudes that identifies him with the Christian body and differentiates him from other kids that are not instructed in the Lord. The husband and wife must synergistically work together; putting in place spiritual, psychological, emotional and physical strategies to train the child in the way he should go so that when he grows up he will not depart from it (Pr 22:6). The parents must take keen interest in monitoring the content of the media the children are exposed to and must regulate it if possible. This might be unpleasant to the child in some cases, however, for the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Heb 12:11, RSV).

Among all things that should be taught a child, obedience and honour to parents (Eph 6:2-3) as well as a deep personal relationship with God (Psalm 78:5-7) are paramount. The child must also be guided to choose and aquire the necessary skills needed for life on earth. Love, patience and trust in the care and transformational powers of God are cardinal virtues that parents must live by to raise God fearing and loving children. The topic of training children will be discussed into details later in a later article (to be automatically updated enter email address and click “follow” on the right hand side of the site).

For a man to be successful as a wonderful husband and great dad; sharing, nurturing and attracting love should be the foundation of every word and action undertaken by the man in the family in relation to his wife or children (Eph. 5:23, Pr 3:12). Additionally, the man must honour his wife (1Pe 3:7, 1Co 7:4). The man must show visible adoration in reasonable forms before the kids, friends, coworkers and strangers as well as conduct himself with dignity towards his children (Eph 6:4). More importantly, the man must win the love of both his wife and children. It is unwise for a man to accumulate the love of strangers and outsiders but spurn the love of those who are close and matter most. For the sake of love and the integrity and sanctity of manhood in Christ Jesus, a man must not destroy his house by adultery usually called affairs. For whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul (Pr 6:32).

In conclusion, for a man to be successful as the head of the family, he must first develop a deep relationship with God on behalf of himself and the family, must build an outstanding identity for his family and adopt love as the foundation of all interactions with his family.

Our next discussion will be on the wife as the heart of the family.  All the best of the day, and please to remember to leave your comments.

The man as the head (Part 1)

The family like every team must be led by a person who both represents the family outside and bears the most risk when it comes to decision making. As such, the leader must be ready at all times to bear responsibility for all actions taken by the family. To avoid the trouble of having to decide who serves this noble task in a Christian family, the bible the bible states clearly that a man is the head of the family (Eph 5:23).

Many societies have in their own way decided to establish what it means to be the head of the family. Though many societies in recent times have moderated to a large extent a man’s opportunity to display authority in the family through many indirect ways, some societies sometimes still carry ancient dictatorial notions of men as the head of the family. None of these to me is right, what is right is what the bible says.

In my readings through the bible I have come across certain insights that I will like to share with you. And I believe that you will scrutinize this carefully and contribute to make this subject clearer and more practical.

I believe that the man’s first duty in marriage is to be the spiritual head of the family in biblical terms the high priest of the family. He must have so close a relationship with God and frequent in-depth sessions with Him about his family enough for God to grant him exact spiritual knowledge and wisdom concerning his family. For example the father must be informed when any of his children is in spiritual or physical disorder or danger by the communication from God through His Spirit. The married man, like a captain of the ship, must have a place in God all to himself where he steers the ship (family) on the stormy seas of life. The father must therefore steer the family from his secret place. The secret place refers to the man’s personal prayer time on the family.  It is through these sessions of prayer that God reveals the current state and his vision for the family to the man. The first ministry of a married man therefore is his marriage; this explains why the test for the ability of a married man to cater for the church of God is his ability to manage his family (1Timothy 3:5).

Secondly, the husband is a source of identity of the family. A major duty given to the first man by God in relation to a family of living things was to supply identity (Gen 2:19) and the very first duty performed by the first man in the first marriage is that of giving an identity to his wife (Gen 2:23). It is interesting to note however, that what man called the animals, or birds or even his wife was his sole prerogative and yet whatsoever he called them, that was their name (Gen 2:20). What an authority! The reason why God could trust man with this duty without fear of failure was that man was perfect in knowledge through his uncorrupted nature and close relationship with God. As such, the husband must be “well saved” and in consistent communion with God.

The major tool that the God has given a man for supplying the identity of the family is the word of his mouth. Just like Jesus Christ who prepares, cleanses and gives an image of beauty to his bride (the church) by his word (Eph. 5:26), the words of a man to his wife must be words that build her into the desired image. This was practically covered by Pastor Mensah Otabil in his message, “Marriage 101”. In his explanation, he said that a man a supplies seed and a woman nourishes and multiplies it to form a child. In the same way, whenever a man speaks a word, the woman receives and ponders over it. In due season, she presents the result back to the man in full measure, pressed down and running over. This he said, is the reason why women react to sweet or bitter words from a man latter on in time by giving him a sweeter or a more bitter experience.

Therefore as a husband, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification (building up), that it may impart grace to the hearers” (Eph 4:29, NKJV).

In our next discussion we will complete our discussion of a man as the head of the family. We will the then move on to discuss the position of the woman in the family

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Overview of Christian Marriage

Hello, it is wonderful to have you on our blog and we are truly blessed to have you. Today, I will like to kick start our discussion of the many topics that can be considered under marriage with what I will call a general view of marriage.

I will like us to consider marriage in simple terms is a negotiated union between a man and a woman to be recognized as a family within the principles of the bible, witnessed by a Christian community and giving the individuals the right to sexual intimacy that may or may not lead to the birth and raising of children. Marriage therefore ultimately leads to the creation of a family consisting of a husband and  wife with or without children.

Marriage is a sacred institution that is ordained by God (Gen 2:18-24) as a union between man and woman and must be treated as such. I therefore believe that though many laws have been established by nations to regulate marriage and the family life, Christian’s homes must be governed by virtues of Christendom in their marriage lives. This however, is not an encouragement to avoid or disrespect requirements for recognition of marriages under the various laws of the land.

Marriage as an institution is one that should be thoroughly prepared for. once you are in getting out especially as a christian is another story. To equip us for this all important stage of the life of most men, posts in this category will carry information on how to prepare for, enter and sustain a relationship. In the case of the unimaginable, we will also present issues on divorce all in a wonderful bible based perspective. Remember to be our guest.