When men fall short

Today, I will like to share with you this message (link below) by TD Jakes and some key quotes from the message that I found interesting. Some of these quotes touch on the dilemma of being a man, especially in the 21st century and some possibly providing “answers” to some dilemmas. Enjoy

When Men Fall Short

“Has society set us up to fail?”

“How can I be a good man to a woman who enjoys being a good man?”

“When you pride yourself on doing what I used to do, have you not worked me out of a job?”

“You have moved into the positions we used to have and we don’t have a role to play and yet we are commanded to be on the set?”

Why do you need us?


“It’s hard to be a good man to a woman who never had a man in her life at all, because you have to live up to what she   imagined”

“There is not a good man in this room who is not trying to who you love, “there”…”

“…the dilemma of the man is;

if I manage to have progress, I do it by not being present, and if i am present with you, then I have to leave the horses and give up on progress…”


Surviving in the Mist of Failure II

In our article “Surviving in the Mist of Failure I” we discussed the important concept of dealing with the shadows of your failure by adopting a victor mentality rather than a victim mentality. Adopting the victor mentality is important as it helps us to keep our mind focused on the right things so as to move our lives beyond our point failure.

One other important concept in the matter of failure is the temptation to give up our God-given principles that seemed to have led or contributed to our failure. I will like us to discuss this concept under the subtopic- Don’t Get Beaten Down into Giving Up.

Human pressure (pressure from friends, colleagues, parents and spiritual leaders) may be one of the most effective weapons that fights our will to hold on to God-given principles in the face of failure. This pressure becomes even more fatal when it comes from people we have trusted or still trust. But how do we deal with such pressures especially now that we may have “failed” while applying some of our strongly held principles.


Source: mikeforchrist.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/flickr-man-in-remorse.jpg

Let me share with you three ideas I learnt in the mist of failure;

1: Know from whom you have learnt these things (2 Timothy 3:14): what is the source of your principles, if they are from God and living by them grants you inner peace, keep them. If they are self-made, re-examine them in the face of God’s word; never say never until God says never.

2: Do not take the advice of those who demonstrate little or no understanding of the truths of your situation, unless you have a clear inner witness or direction from God to do so.

3: Do not take the advice of those who base their confidence or argument in fleshly knowledge or convictions (blind physical evidence) or unguarded emotions (anger or excitement). This idea is especially critical when the matter has a spiritual component. Spiritual matters are spiritually discerned (1 Corinthians 2: 13-14). These lessons, I have learnt, also apply to people you trust, you have to discern the times when their advice is not in line with God’s ways.

The Fear of Failure and the Freedom to Fail

For men, especially men that have the instinct of pursuing excellence at all they do, the fear of failure is an age old disease. Being an Extraordinary Gentleman is about pursuing excellence in all circles of life and these can be grouped into Marriage, Ministry and Money i.e the 3Ms of manhood. And since excellence is a premium, the fear of failure is sure to be one thing that might plague our minds.
As Dan Benson wrote in his book the “ The Total Man; The Way To Confidence And Fulfillment” ( which is the main motivation for this article). The fear that men entertain include

Not providing for my wife and kids
Either losing my job, or not attaining promotion or salary raise
Not getting married
Not reaching my goals in life
Seeing all I have worked for collapse in my face
Being a failure at business or sex

One interesting reply in the book was this “failure to me is losing. I think it was Vince Lombardi who said, ‘Winning isn’t everything- it is the only thing’. I belief that. I don’t want to be a loser.”
Personally, I believe that some of us reading this articles might begin to feel uncomfortable by now as our own fears race across our minds, in fact many of us will do anything not to be reminded of the very existence of failure.
Well the picture that almost paints why many fear failure is painted by Eric Hoffer in his statement,
“there is no loneliness greater than the loneliness of a failure. The failure is a stranger in his own house”
However, I will side more with the comfort in his other statement
“There can be no real freedom without the freedom to fail” -by Eric Hoffer.

What am I driving at? Well to cut matters short, the fear of failure I believe, leads to either hesitation or haste. Many are hesitant to act because they are afraid of going wrong and then carrying the “failure” tag. Others hurriedly rush through life pursuing their definition of success in order to flee failure. No matter what your situation is, fear is not the portion of an Extraordinary Gentleman
“For God did not give us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power and love and self-control”
(2 Timothy 1:7).

Therefore as Extraordinary Gentlemen, we shall not hesitate under the spirit of fear, saying like the lazy man, “There is a lion outside! I shall be slain in the streets!” (Proverbs 22:13, 26:13).
But we shall be confident in all we do, not driven by the spirit of fear, but inspired by the Spirit of sonship and adoption (Romans 8: 15), that says,
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)
For even failure has in it the reward of instruction for the wise.

I hope to dwell more on this subject in subsequent articles, for a mean time, I will like you to leave your comments and contributions on the article. You can even share experiences with us! Additionally, we encourage you to put in requests for articles on topics you will like to know more about, we will be glad to be a channel of God to you. God bless you.